Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: Since my sister’s son has begun shidduchim, she often inquires about students from the seminary where I teach. I feel that as my sister, she is relying on my information, and I therefore feel responsible to tell her the honest truth, more than I would for a stranger. Is it permissible for me to tell what I know about the girl, because of the fact that she’s my sister?

A: Under normal circumstances, as a family member you should be familiar with your sister’s priorities, including traits that she would be on the lookout for and details that would make a difference. You would also know if her intentions are solely for the purpose of the shidduch.

Based on the above, it is permissible for you to share details and to elaborate, specifically in areas that are of significance to your family, and especially concerning issues that you feel may disturb the couple in the future.

Even with the heter to relay negative information you must be careful not to exaggerate, and your sister may not believe what you say as fact.

It is advisable to obtain a Rav’s advice for specific situations


The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.