Priorities in Shidduchim

Today’s complex shidduch situation mirrors contemporary life in our society. It has been said that ours is the es kumpt mir (“I’m entitled to it”) generation. (This was an Agudah convention theme a number of years ago.) Parents of boys and girls as well as the young people themselves have their lists of requirements that need to be satisfied before they will consider a prospective marriage partner; whether the parents use china or plastic plates for Shabbos is one ludicrous example.

Not so long ago, people’s priorities included things that really mattered — middos tovos, desire to do chessed, consideration, etc. Perhaps the sheer number of things available to us in the realm of technology, travel, and food has influenced our thinking and distorted the quantity and quality of our desires.

It is time we went back to basics and gave some thought to what is vital in a marriage and what is extraneous — nice to have but not a necessity. Such thinking will contribute to bringing about more Yiddishe simchos, and enhancing our overall quality of life.

Moshe Faivelson, Brooklyn