Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: During our year in eighth grade, our class was in the habit of mocking a teacher who had an obvious physical defect. Now that we are in high school, we truly regret our actions and understand that all that talk was offensive and certainly blatant lashon hara. We must therefore seek her forgiveness. It is, however, quite likely that our former teacher will be hurt by the reminder of our pranks. We’re concerned that she may pry for details of our slanderous conversations and inevitably be offended. How should we proceed?

A: Preferably, when asking for forgiveness, one should include details of the wrong perpetrated. However, for fear that it would hurt or embarrass the subject or result in additional lashon hara, it is permissible to ask for forgiveness without disclosing details.

In light of the above, it is recommended that because of the pain you caused your teacher you ask for forgiveness at times like Erev Yom Kippur or prior to a girl’s marriage, when it is accepted practice to do so. Preface it by saying that during your school years you undoubtedly spoke lashon hara, ridiculed teachers, etc., and are therefore asking for forgiveness.

The following questions and answers were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hamodia.