Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: From an early age I’ve tried to steer clear of lashon hara and other forms of forbidden speech. Since my recent marriage I am at a loss because of the fact that my mother-in-law is not mindful of lashon hara, to say the least. We visit my husband’s parents often and I don’t know how to react to the slanderous conversations.

I feel uncomfortable voicing even indirect criticism because of my status as a new daughter-in-law. I prefer not to broach the subject with my husband as it may be interpreted as an insult to his mother.

A: The good news is that your tricky situation will probably persist for a maximum of three occasions. Sooner or later your mother-in-law will realize that when you’re around, gossip is to be avoided. Though you should take care to keep away from direct remarks, express your dissatisfaction regarding lashon hara in one of three ways:

1. Get up from the table under the pretext of getting something, checking to see if someone is knocking, etc.
2. Pretend you are tired/falling asleep.
3. Change the topic of discussion as spontaneously as you can (a thought on the parashah, a story you just remembered, the weather — which is always relevant, or neighborhood news). Furthermore, until they stop speaking lashon hara in your presence, remember that you may not believe anything discussed. The merit of shemiras halashon will no doubt produce desired results of peace and unity.
   

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The following questions and answers were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hamodia.