Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: After davening on Shabbos, a certain Rebbetzin approached me about a woman who was offended by me and had asked the Rebbetzin to intercede. The Rebbetzin told me it was permissible, since she was speaking l’to’eles. She went on to explain that the woman is extremely sensitive, and I should be careful in my dealings with her. I was shocked. I was itching to describe all the help and support I’d been giving her, financially and otherwise. I wanted to tell her how I bend over backwards for this woman, but I kept quiet, concerned that it would put her in a negative light. Am I obligated to absorb the shame, or can I explain myself and improve the Rebbetzin’s impression of me?

A: It is not clear from the question why you suspect that telling of your support of your acquaintance would put her in a negative light. In general, you may say, “I’ve done a lot for her. I help her and give her constant support, beyond my call of duty, and yet maybe I wasn’t sensitive enough. I will make an effort to be especially careful.” If by detailing the type of support given, negative aspects of the woman would be exposed, you must avoid including details.

The following questions and answers were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

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