Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: At a sheva brachos at my in-laws’, my husband’s aunt sat down next to me and we enjoyed a friendly conversation. In the course of the conversation, she began speaking negatively of her boss at work (I know him), and I felt trapped. I did not feel it was appropriate to reprimand her nor to stop the conversation, as she is an aunt, a lot older than I am, and is considered a chashuve woman. To get up and leave was also out of the question. The sheva brachos was in full swing, and being that I was in the seat next to this aunt, I could not sneak out without offending her. Eventually the topic of discussion turned to safer ground; but I was left with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth. What was I meant to do in this situation?

A: The predicament described is a common one. People often find themselves stuck in conversations of lashon hara which result in the transgression of serious sins. It is unquestionably forbidden to take part in such conversation, and one can opt for one of the following ways out:

One can courageously, yet gently, say, “Maybe we should ask a Rav before we discuss this.”

Change the subject. It usually is not difficult to do spontaneously. There are a thousand and one other things to discuss, including the weather.

One can leave on the pretense of an urgent message or a quick check on the children.

If none of the above are viable options at the time (though it is very unlikely), one should “close one’s ears,” if possible.

The following questions and answers were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hamodia.