Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: I have a classmate who is gluten sensitive. This does not keep her back from being a successful girl in all areas, and from participating in all social events in a regular manner. Recently, I was asked about her regarding a shidduch and I obviously gave her high praise and answered all the questions I was asked. Since I was not asked about sensitivity to gluten, I did not point it out. Did I do the right thing?

If someone approaches me in the future for information about this girl, what should I say? I must note that I know there are families who would really be bothered by this type of allergy and they would consider it a serious flaw.

A: Sensitivity to gluten (celiac) is a serious matter, and it is proper that one side should notify the other about it when it involves a shidduch. There is, generally, no obligation to offer the information as soon as a shidduch is suggested. One may wait a while and share it when the shidduch progresses, because, all in all, it is not that serious a flaw — especially in our times, when there is a plentitude of substitute foods, and it isn’t a serious impediment in life (other than minor financial expenses that can occur).

Based on this, you did the right thing by not telling the people who inquired. You could assume that the parents of the subject will certainly share the information at a later time. Additionally, since it is not possible to know if the other side has their own flaws, it is better to refrain from saying anything.

The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.