Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: When I am annoyed at somebody who hurt or irritated me, I try to overcome my annoyance and refrain from telling others because of the prohibition of lashon hara. The problem is that I am usually left with feelings of anger and resentment towards my offender. I feel that though I’ve avoided the prohibition of lashon hara, I find myself transgressing other prohibitions because of the thoughts and feelings that remain in my heart.

How can I work on this issue?

A: In many cases, it is possible that you are transgressing prohibitions by bearing a grudge and holding the resentment in your heart. This is especially so, since in most cases one can give the offender the benefit of the doubt.

It is therefore wise to think of ways to judge your offender favorably. It is easy to imagine that things could have worked out otherwise and you could have annoyed or offended someone else in the same way.

You can thus remove the anger and resentment from your heart and thereby save yourself from these prohibitions.