Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q:As a preschool teacher, I am unsure of how to respond when my students share slanderous information with me. On the one hand, I have to lend a listening ear to girls’ complaints about their friends who didn’t let them on the slide, hurt them, or threw sand at them. These issues have to be dealt with before they evolve into full-blown fights. On the other hand, I am worried that listening to the negativity is in conflict with the values of shemiras halashon that I try to instill in my young charges. What is the golden mean for me in this delicate area?

A:As a preschool teacher, you should listen to every student’s complaint and deal with each accordingly. Complaints about fellow playmates generally tell of behaviors which are appropriate for their age group, and do not constitute lashon hara. If a student’s complaints reveal behaviors beyond the accepted norm for a child that age, listen and act upon the student’s words without accepting them as truth. As long as the subject doesn’t admit to the fault, you must give her the benefit of the doubt.

Explain to your students that relaying negative information about a friend is considered lashon hara; telling their teacher that a friend is bothering them is permitted.