Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: I’m trying to be a responsible mother and would therefore like to preempt fights and keep things under control. With that in mind, can I instruct my daughter, “Come tell me if your brother hits you?”

In addition, can I tell my daughter who is in charge of the children while I rest, “When I get up, tell me who behaved nicely and who didn’t,” or would this be considered lashon hara?

A: In both of the abovementioned cases, you may ask your daughter to tell you how the children behaved, because it is for the benefit of the chinuch of your children and the smooth running of the home and family.

If, however, you hear that one of the children misbehaved, you may not fully believe your daughter’s report and only suspect that what she’s saying is true. You can figure out what really happened when you address the issue and speak to that particular child about the incident.