Dealing with Adversity-Setting an Example, Making an Impact

In response to the trying situation facing Acheinu Bnei Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael and world­wide, our Gedolim have urged us to strengthen our efforts in Torah, tefillah, chessed and other spiritual pursuits. This week’s column will dis­cuss the potential, far-reaching repercussions of these efforts.

Prior to Yom Tov, we cited sefer Chovos Halevovos which offers several possible rea­sons why tzaddikim suffer and why evildoers prosper. According to Harav Avigdor Miller, zt”l, these reasons represent only some of the ways in which Hashem conducts the world. There are more reasons that the sefer’s author may not have known of or opted not to discuss. The key point is that, despite our inability to understand why things happen, we can be con­fident that there are good reasons behind these occurrences.

We already discussed one of the reasons given by the Chovos Halevavos for challenges — that they engender personal growth.

Another reason why a righteous person may suffer, says the Chovos Halevavos, is in order to set an example for others — “to show his patience and his positive attitude in the service of Hashem, in order that people may learn from him.”

A couple who had been growing spiritually suffered a setback when the husband began to slip off the derech of Yiddishkeit. While the wife continued to progress in Torah knowl­edge and halachic observance, her husband, unfortunately, went in the opposite direction. Ironically, the wife’s advancement was such that she was invited to give classes to women in her community and she eventually became a resource for kiruv efforts for women else­where. However, some of the children were also impacted to an extent by the husband’s lack of interest.

Yet, the dichotomy of the couple into two opposed life choices did not prevent them from getting along in areas where Yiddishkeit was not an issue, such as family outings. One day, they visited a mountain destination that had Alpine slides. After taking the ski lift to the summit, the woman realized that her hat would be blown off if she went down the slide. While everyone else reveled in coasting down the mountain, she was compelled to descend in the ski lift. As she waited for its arrival on the top of the mountain, she had time to contemplate the significance of the moment. She realized that, since her husband did not care whether she covered her hair, she was alone in a sense in making this sacrifice to give up the ride. She so desired that her husband and sons to follow her path. Why did it seem so unattainable?

An answer occurred to her: You need to undergo this nisayon to serve as a role model of a woman whose kesher with Torah — not of her own choosing — is independent of a husband or father or anyone else. She thought of Jewish women who are lonesome: widows, divorcees, older singles and women in difficult marriages. She took up that idea and became a mentor to these individuals, showing them how to live inspiring lives despite the circum­stances.

Those of us dealing with a challenge can­not know how others perceive us. Even though no one says anything, it is quite possible that we unwittingly serve as a source of inspira­tion to someone else. I have interviewed many Rabbanim for our magazine. Several related that people told them that an incidental remark they made in a speech years earlier — of which the Rav has no recollection — impelled them to make a change for the better. Writers some­times receive an email about an article from a reader who was inspired by a point or an obser­vation to improve in some area. More often than not, the writer will never know how some­one was impacted by what he or she wrote.

In the birchos Krias Shema recited daily, every day before we recite the Shema, we ask Hashem to instill in our hearts to understand, to learn, to teach, and to keep the mitzvos of the Torah. Why does this tefillah — said by all Jews — include a request to grant us wisdom to teach? Not all of us are teachers! Hagaon Harav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l, explained that every Jew is by definition a teacher. We teach via our actions and words. We set an example for others by how we deal with challenges, We make an impact in addressing hardships in a constructive manner besides reaping reward in Olam Haba.

In divrei chizuk, Harav Elya Brudny, shlita, delivered for Hamodia he encouraged strength­ening of Torah study, tefillah and empathy for others. In doing so, each of us inspires others to do likewise, thereby fostering achdus, improv­ing middos tovos, fortifying yiras Shamayim. Each of us can serve as an illuminating exam­ple of the proper way to conduct oneself by the means of our own actions.

The ripple effects this can have for the ben­efit of acheinu Bnei Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael and around the globe can be transformative regard­ing the current matzav as well as our lives.

Rabbi Yosef Gesser is a longtime writer for Hamodia Newspaper as well as an inspirational speaker on vari­ous topics, including dealing with adversity. He can be reached at ygesser@hamodia.com.