Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: When people inquire about someone who I know has an obvious external fault, which the other side can see on their own, should I say something about it, or can I rely on what they’ll eventually see on their own? Also, if it is plain to see that the girl is lacking in her tznius, do I have to say anything about it?

A: There is no obligation to inform others of obvious external faults. Sometimes, however, it is a good idea to stick in a slight hint, so that the people who inquired will realize that they should investigate further. One example would be, “She is a baalas middos, and very talented and friendly. You don’t need me to tell you about her looks, you’ll see that for yourself.”

When there’s a tznius issue, it is especially important to drop a hint, thus averting future problems. You might sandwich the hint between praise, as in, “She invests time and energy on her outer appearance, and isn’t fanatic at all.”

In this way, the people will realize that they must do further research.


The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.