Language

So What Is Chanukah?

When my son Meilech was in his early single digits (I’m not good with numbers), his sisters celebrated birthdays in close succession. Feeling left out, Meilech asked, “When is my…

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Do You Make These Mistakes in English?

I lied. Maybe I’d better rephrase that. I exaggerated. Actually, a more precise term would be hyperbole — “the rhetorical device of deliberate overstatement” (Garner’s Modern English Usage). Vocabulary.com defines…

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Lies Big and Small

Even in the Pale of Settlement, some people had unsettled rivalries. Like the two merchants who met in a railway station in Belarus. “Where are you going?” “To Pinsk.” “Aha!…

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Tyrannosaurus Lex

What’s another word for thesaurus? That joke sums up the boon and bane of thesauruses. Why not “thesauri”? Garner’s Modern English Usage says that “thesaurus — a book or online…

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Huts of a Different Color

When I was a boy, around this time of year in school, we had to write a composition: “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” Since then, “spent” has taken on…

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Declaration of Repentance

Ancient Mysteries Revealed: Discover Supernatural Secrets of How to Lose at Least 44 Types of Ugly Sins in Just 10 Days — Guaranteed! Simple Prayers and Rituals Make Your Soul…

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Of Cabbages And Kings

The lowly cabbage is packed with nutrition. Mark Twain observed, “Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.” Wild…

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Workplay

I was walking to shul one Shabbos and I saw an ID tag that someone had lost. It had his name and picture, and his title: ORDERLY. I thought of…

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Word War 3rd

Where do you turn when you need to know something? (All pious answers of “my Rabbi” or “the Talmud” will no doubt be smiled upon in Heaven, but holy answers…

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The Canary

Jews have often been called “the canary in the coal mine.” Like the miners who carried canaries to detect carbon monoxide or other toxic gases, a society on the brink…

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Waiting for The Kvatter

Mrs. Chaikie Brown sent me a kind note about the column. She wrote, “The subject matter is certainly of interest to me as I am a lover of good grammar…

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Who’s Talking?

How long can you hold your breath? Very impressive. (If you’re still reading — and you didn’t turn blue — I’m guessing you’re fine.) Now try this: How long can…

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Rhino Attack

One of the worst things about a cold (I’m feeling much better, thank you, and thank G-d — not necessarily in that order), is that it’s so infernally undignified. I’m…

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Brain Juice

The war’s over. And we lost. The cyber barbarians stormed the gates and tore down the walls of privacy. Long before the war, though, medical offices would poke our privacy…

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The Case of the Cannibal Comma

Long before my brother Rabbi Nota Schiller became dean of Ohr Somayach, long before he became a Rabbi, he was already saving youth. One of my earliest memories is Nota…

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Time to Come Clean

How did the Jews leaving Egypt manage that first Pesach? I mean, think about it. … They didn’t have aluminum foil. And they didn’t have vacuum cleaners. Ever since then,…

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Whom’s Whom

I have been annoying myself lately. Even though I’ve stopped saying, “Not I” (in answer to such questions as “Who left the refrigerator open?”), I still catch myself (pedantically) saying…

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The Secret of The Whole Megillah

Yiddish is the mameloshen — mother tongue — of Jewish mothers, whose watchword is “Ess, ess, mein kind — Eat, eat my child.” So it’s only natural that Yiddish should…

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A Waste of Time

As a psychologist, Dr. Benzion Twerski is no stranger to illogic. One of the foundations of classical logic is the syllogism, most closely associated with Aristotle. It is a deduction…

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Two-Faced Fake-Out

“So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn’t find honest employment.” If you believe Mark Twain said that, you’re a victim of fake news. But…

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