Asking the Right Questions

As a mechanech, I felt it important to note that many of the points raised by the “Concerned High-School Teacher” are also applicable when asking for information about a bachur.

There are bachurim who struggle in yeshivah ketanah (or high school) and then go on to blossom in yeshivah gedolah. So it is very important to get updated information about how a bachur is doing now.

Some don’t “click” with a particular Mashgiach, but would still make fantastic husbands and fathers. And conversely, being an “iluy” and “lamdan” may make him a prime candidate to be a Rosh Yeshivah, but may not be what your daughter needs at all in a husband.

Some years ago, I called a Menahel for information about a bachur who was suggested for a close relative of mine. He proceeded to give me fantastic information about his learning, his intelligence and his davening.

I was so impressed with what I was hearing that I almost forgot to ask the most important question of all.

“Is he a baal middos?” I asked, just as I was about to hang up.

“I can’t answer that question,” he replied. “Please ask someone else…”

I had my answer. And I should have asked that first….

Y. Levi