Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: I was at a relative’s wedding and was dismayed to see the kallah and her friends acting in an unrefined manner (to put it mildly). This included inappropriate dancing and other phenomena that can’t be detailed here. I expressed my shock to relatives sitting at my table, and also shared my displeasure with my husband when I got home.

My intention was to express my pain and disapproval of behavior that was unsuitable for a Jewish simchah. Was it indeed permissible to speak to my relatives who were at the wedding and witnessed the appalling behavior? What about what I told my husband? If I did transgress, how can I correct my wrong?


A: You did well to express your dismay at the inappropriate behavior to your relatives at the wedding. It is a mitzvah to speak up so that people won’t learn from negative actions. (See Chofetz Chaim, klal 4, se’if 10.)

It was also permissible to tell your husband, if it could potentially reinforce the abovementioned purpose. When a couple hones their distaste for negative behaviors, they  can instill these ideals in their family and prevent family members from befriending people whose actions and standards are not in the spirit of Torah and our mesorah.

The questions and answers were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hamodia.