Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q:My friend went to check out the school where she was to register her child for the upcoming year. She wanted to get a feeling of the atmosphere at a time other than the official registration period. Since I’m also planning to send my child there, she shared with me her negative impressions of the place, and told me the grounds were very dirty and neglected. My friend later heard that the school was not clean because the janitor was sitting shivah and out for the week. I told her that this teaches us to judge the administration favorably, but she argued that they should have found a substitute to keep the place in order.

Did our conversations constitute lashon hara? Can I share this information with my husband?

A:The administrator of a school is responsible for keeping the grounds clean, safe and in working order.

There are three levels of performance for this type of job:

1. The school is neglected; the classrooms and hallways are unkempt and always dirty.

2. The school is generally in working order and everything is taken care of, on time. There are, however, unexpected circumstances where the administrator may not be quick enough in finding a temporary solution — as in your case when the janitor was out. The temporary neglect is thus obvious.

3. The administrator is highly capable and manages — with Hashem’s help — to overcome all unforeseen obstacles.

From what you say, it is understood that the school you were looking into is in the second category. Most people aren’t so particular about these unexpected mishaps, unless they are real perfectionists. It would therefore seem that once you heard that the janitor was sitting shivah, it was no longer a case of lashon hara, because the school was basically running well and you didn’t have to rely on the heter of toeles.

However, it is important to know that before sharing such information with people who are disturbed by this kind of management or before repeating this to your husband, you must ensure that there is constructive purpose in doing so (while adhering to the conditions). If there is a similar reason for the disarray then there is no heter in repeating such information.