Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: I teach in two high schools, and I’m familiar with the inside story of both. A relative approached me for guidance, before making a decision regarding placement for her daughter for the upcoming year. It seems she’s relying on me, and expects honest information regarding staff, the level of learning, educational and social issues, and of course the problems in each place. May I pass on the information as I perceive it, or must I filter out any lashon hara?

A: A mother is permitted to ask and get advice for the constructive purpose of choosing an appropriate school for her daughter. That does not, however, give you the license to reveal all the inner problems that exist in the schools, since it would not constitute toeles in this case. Point out the advantages in each high school, without putting down the other. You can say, “School #1 places strong emphasis on tznius.” “School #2 stresses middos (or concentrates on the level of learning).” You may also advise her as to which school is suitable for her daughter based on the advantages in either place. You should, of course, keep the toeles in mind.