Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: A number of years ago, when I graduated from high school, I got inquiries regarding some of my friends for shidduch purposes. At that point I wasn’t aware yet that there were detailed halachos regarding what is permissible and what is forbidden to say when people inquire. I therefore relayed all the information I knew, as it was, without thinking twice. Regarding one specific girl, I gave really negative information.

All of those friends are already married with families, baruch Hashem. I don’t think they know what I said about them, but it is bothering me and I would like to correct my wrong. What should I do?

A: Halachically, you do not have to ask forgiveness of those friends because there is no proof that you caused them damage with your words.

First of all, how do we know if what you said was indeed against halachah? It is possible that, even without the knowledge of what is permissible and what is forbidden, you said precisely what was allowed, based on the situation and issue. Secondly, even if you did say something incorrect, perhaps the shidduch suggestion wasn’t discounted, and even if it was, perhaps it was not based on what you said. Even if the shidduch suggestion was not followed because of what you said, perhaps it was beneficial for your friend because the shidduch wasn’t suitable, and because of additional doubts. You therefore do not have to ask forgiveness. It is, however, proper for you to repent because you spoke without considering the ramifications of halachah.


The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hamodia.