Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: Is it permissible to tell others that someone got divorced, or would it be considered lashon hara?

A: By way of introduction, we will list the aspects of heter and issur in relating such information:

Why it would be permissible:

A divorce usually makes waves in the community, and would consequently be considered public knowledge.

Simply relating that someone got divorced is not a negative statement, because it remains unclear who is at fault.

Stating the fact, as it is, will cause the subject no harm, since damage is only relevant regarding a shidduch, in which case one is obligated to inform relevant parties that the subject is divorced.

Aspects of the issur concerning avak lashon hara:

The information might be considered avak lashon hara if it could lead to forbidden speech, as is the case when listeners are curious as to who is to blame and what were the causes for the divorce.

Avak lashon hara means hinting at negativity, or causing a listener to envy or hate the subject, which typically leads to negative talk. But because simple curiosity does not necessarily lead to these issurim, the abovementioned statement may not constitute avak lashon hara. There are additional explanations as to why it wouldn’t be considered avak lashon hara.

Additionally, we can assume that there is no issur of avak lashon hara, if — as is often the case — it is public knowledge which party is at fault.

In light of all of the above, it becomes clear that every incident must be judged individually.

If it was public knowledge that this couple wasn’t doing well, then it is permissible to tell that they did indeed get divorced. If, however, their divorce comes as a surprise, it is preferable to avoid relaying this to others because of safek avak lashon hara.

If someone asks, “Is the rumor true that So-and-So got divorced?” you may tell them that it is and quickly change the subject, so as not to give leeway for questions and negative talk regarding the details of the divorce.

Once it is old news, people are no longer so curious to hear the reasons for the divorce. It therefore seems that in such cases it is permissible to relay the information; while it is proper to point out that it happened a long time ago.

When you are permitted to relay the information, you must exercise caution and forewarn listeners that there is no heter for asking or judging who is at fault, and that it may only be discussed in line with true toeles, as delineated by the Chofetz Chaim.