Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q:Recently, for personal shidduch purposes, someone inquired about a bachur who lives in my neighborhood and davens in our shul on a regular basis. I promised to look into it and get back to them. Before I had a chance to inquire, they called back saying that they were no longer interested in the suggestion. Since the boy lives in my neighborhood and other prospective shidduchim are likely to call on me for information, I thought it a good idea to inquire about him and avoid telling people that I don’t know him personally, which could be interpreted as an evasion of the question. Is it permissible for me to do a superficial inquiry regarding the boy?


A:Generally speaking, no heter exists for a person to inquire about others with no immediate purpose. The assumption that somebody may inquire in the future does not provide enough grounds to listen to information that may include negativity.

Your concern, that people will misinterpret your response (that you don’t know the boy personally) as an evasion, will be avoided if you offer to inquire about the bachur and get back to them with the information.