Halachic queries answered by Harav Menachem Mendel Fuchs, shlita, Menahel Ruchani of Mishmeres HaSholom, posek in the Eidah HaChareidis and Rav of Kiryas Shomrei HaChomos
Q: Some of my children of similar ages sleep together in one bedroom and it sometimes happens that because of the noise one of them is making the others aren’t falling asleep. Is it permissible for me to ask who is disturbing the others, which may cause them to say lashon hara or to lie, so that I can get them to settle down?
A: It is generally preferable to ignore this type of misbehavior and encourage children to go to sleep for their own benefit. If it is necessary, it would be best to get the culprit to admit on his own that he was disturbing his siblings, because cross-examining children can cause them to speak lashon hara. If the above suggestions won’t do and you have no choice, and there is toeles in knowing who is bothering the others, you may ask the children. You should preface your question by explaining that in this particular case there is a heter of lashon hara l’toeles.
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The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.