Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Halachic queries answered by Harav Menachem Mendel Fuchs, shlita, Menahel Ruchani of Mishmeres HaSholom, posek in the Eidah HaChareidis and Rav of Kiryas Shomrei HaChomos

Q: My mother-in-law asked me, the oldest daughter-in-law, to be welcoming to my new, shy sister-in-law, and to help her acclimate to the family. I’ve tried, and I’m still making an effort to be nice, but I feel that she isn’t friendly and that she has difficulty with adjustments. Before every family occasion, my mother-in-law reminds me of my obligation, and even faults me for the new sister-in-law’s difficult adjustment. Is it permissible for me to say that I’m doing all I can, and that it’s a matter of our new sister-in-law’s shy personality?

A: You must be very careful not to say anything that can be interpreted as negativity about your new sister-in-law. You shouldn’t say that she isn’t friendly or that she’s unsociable. You can try to explain to your mother-in-law that we’re all different and that it may take your new sister-in-law longer than others to adjust to her new family setting.

The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.