Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: I spoke negatively about someone, for a constructive purpose. I did so after consulting a Rav and careful deliberation. Unfortunately, the information reached the subject, who was obviously deeply hurt. He let me know that I caused him unforgivable and unforgettable anguish, and that I will never gain his pardon. His words allow me no peace. I would like to know what I can do to remove this blemish from myself.

A: If you followed the dictates of Halachah, asked a Torah authority, and after careful deliberation spoke with a constructive purpose in mind, you do not have to worry about the subject’s hakpadah or mechilah.

It is, however, commendable for a person to daven sincerely to Hashem that He save him from people’s hatred in the Yehi Ratzon after Birchos Hashachar, and in Elokai netzor after Shemoneh Esreh (nusach Sfard) when he says, “She’lo saaleh kinas adam alai v’lo kinaasi al acheirim —that man’s jealousy not rise up against me, nor my jealousy upon others.”

Pray that the subject come to the realization that you were right, and that he be willing to be appeased.


The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.