Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: Recently, for shidduch purposes, someone inquired about a bachur who lives in my neighborhood and davens in our shul on a regular basis. I promised to look into the matter and get back to him. But before I had a chance to inquire, he called back to say that they were no longer interested in the suggestion.

Since the boy lives in our building and other people are likely to call me for information, I thought it would be wise to inquire about him and avoid telling people that I don’t know him personally, which they could interpret as an evasion of the truth.

Is it permissible for me to do a superficial inquiry regarding the boy?

A: There is no heter to inquire about others with no immediate purpose. The assumption that somebody may call you in the future doesn’t justify listening to information that may include negativity.


If you offer to inquire about the bachur and get back to the people with the information, they won’t misinterpret your response as an evasion.

The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.