Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: When I’m called for information about my friends for prospective shidduchim, I try to accentuate the positive. Sometimes, however, people ask questions about the girl’s traits, e.g., if she’s neat, responsible, honest, etc. I generally don’t know the people who ask and what they mean by a specific question, and I realize that my friends may have changed over time. If I’m aware of a girl’s weak point, should I be explicit or should I hint at the issue?

A: It is because of the reasons you enumerated — that you don’t know who the callers are and what they mean by their questions, and that people change — that you must be vague in your reply and sandwich a girl’s faults between praise. Some examples are: “She’s fairly organized,” or “She’s generally quite responsible.” If the girl has a very serious issue, it wouldn’t be enough to answer vaguely, and you should seek a Rav’s advice before you reply.

The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.