Mishmeres HaSholom: Ask the Rav

Q: While I was sitting on the bus, I overheard a noisy, slanderous conversation between two women who were including the names of the subjects in their discussion. I kept thinking that I should speak up, but I refrained from saying anything because I’m a young girl and, as respectful as I would be, I felt awkward to admonish them. Did I do the correct thing? And if I was indeed obligated to admonish them, how could I have done so in a way that would be acceptable to them and not offensive?

A: The mitzvah of “Hocheach tocheach es amisech” is a positive Torah commandment, and you are therefore obligated to admonish others who speak lashon hara. In cases such as these, it is inappropriate to be humble; rather, you would do well to exercise “Vayigbah libo b’darkei Hashem.” In practice, it would be advisable to say, “Sorry to have to say this to you, but you’re mentioning names of people in your conversation, and I’m afraid I might transgress by listening to lashon hara.” If you say this respectfully, it will be accepted graciously.

The questions and answers above were taken from the Mishmeres Hasholom pamphlet in Israel. For details and inquiries please e-mail us at office@hasholom.org or call 972-2 5379160.

The views expressed are of the individual author. Readers are encouraged to consult their own posek for guidance.